Law #3: Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.

Consequences suck. Many of us learn this the hard way at a very young age. For me it was a game of "house" that went terribly wrong at the age of 7. My cousin Daniella, five years my senior, and I played house everyday during the summer at our nonna's house (summer camp for Italians). Usually Daniella played the role of mom, but on this day it seemed only fair we switched it up. My Aunt Maddy had just bought me a brand new pair of fake plastic high heels, equipped with yellow stars and sparkles on the open toe. Yet, Daniella did not quite see it my way. I stood my ground though, a little too much maybe. As the fight escalated, I proceeded to grasp one of those shiny new shoes and unwind a Brett Favre (in his hay day) like pass at Daniella. But in a very current Brett Favre like way the pass did not hit her hands. I hit Daniella square in the forhead with the heel. Prompting her to cry, me to cry, and nonna to take out the scotch to calm us down. Not only did I get in trouble, my shoes were taken away, and I never got to be the mom. Sports stars don't have it so easy though.

Sports writers and the athletes they spotlight constantly preach to fans not to idolize players. Don’t put them on an untouchable pedestal. They are human, just like you. Judge them for their actions on the field, not in their mistresses’ bedrooms. Yet for all this lecturing, players continue to shoot themselves in the foot (or leg if your last name is Burress) in these situations. The Celtics’ Glen Davis is the newest big baby to be added to the list of irresponsible athletes bringing overtime issues of a different kind to the workplace. It is not fans, but players who blur the lines on viewing off and on the field antics. Bar fights and packing heat are not the character traits of an ideal role model. They are even worse attributes for a million dollar employee though. When big market players take risks after the final buzzer the repercussions become endless, leaving everyone involved in a haze.

When players get stupid off the field the consequences reverberate back on the field, whether it is losing the respect of fans, teammates, or that extra paycheck. You have to wonder how some players can make the decision to throw a pass into triple coverage to win the Super Bowl, yet cannot remember to wear their helmet when they rides their bike. Sports figures’ imbecilic actions are too often put off as a jock’s cockiness, a mistake anyone could have made, or a simple misunderstanding. What’s worse is too often sports writers move on as to not dwell on the embarrassment the player faces, and his teammates do not want to comment on. It is always the owner and the manager reprimanding their miscreants. Mom and dad come down hard, but your siblings have less to comment than ESPN employees with a sexual harassment case.

Clearly that method of coverage has not panned out though. Sports figures must have the memory

of a goldfish, or surely they would have learned from others’ mistakes by now. Charles Barkley and Larry Bird can tell you bars are made for drinking in, not emulating Tyler Durden. And the better remembered Boone brother can tell explain that the New York Yankees contract prohibits its players from participating in log-rolling, luge, steeplechase, croquet, and…basketball. And a Mr. Plaxico Burress is well versed in the specifics of the Second Amendment.So why, with all this history yielding the same outcome, do the headlines remain the same? Instead of stressing to fans that they are only human, it seems players should be reminding themselves that they are not immortal.

Players cannot expect fans and owners to not judge their off the field decisions when they impact their play on the field. Maybe we cannot condemn Michael Vick forever for his (lacking) morals, but the Falcons fans and owners can censure him for what his actions off the field caused for the team. If the two worlds never interfered then players could make the plea for privacy. Most times though that clear cut division does not exist.

A couple of weeks ago the Golden State Warriors Stephen Jackson spoke about his position as a role model to teammates after a two-game suspension for “conduct detrimental to the team.”

Jackson said in a San Francisco Chronicle article, “I don’t want these young guys to try to follow me. I can’t be a role model to guys who make the same amount of money as me. I think everybody is responsible for themselves, and that’s how it should be.”

It is fair to concede a role when the task seems too daunting, but playing for a team means being responsible for more than just yourself on and off the field. And stepping up as a role model to rookies does not equate to a pay raise. This is the same Jackson though, who was named captain of the Warriors in 2007. But he is also the “same” Jackson who scoured the stands in the infamous Pacers-Pistons catfight three years prior to his captainship. Fellow brawl-mate Ron Artest is a player parents would dread their children to admire based solely on his mannerisms on the court. But both have criminal records outside the game that mirror those in-game actions.

If not for their fans or teammates, then at least players should change their behavior for their pockets. Aaron Boone forfeited a nearly six million-dollar salary and Jackson gave back $140,000 after his suspension. Glen Davis’ tab will ring up even higher still.

Decision-making skills learned in the fourth grade need to be carried into everyday situations that do not involve a referee or time clock. Big Baby’s 4 a.m. bro fight in Waltham early Monday morning cost him more than just a hospital bill for hand surgery. His indefinite suspension handed down Tuesday will cost him nearly $27,000 per missed game according to the Boston Herald. More importantly his reported eight-week recovery period will give him plenty of time to focus on using his words for future altercations. Hopefully he can spread the word.

Rule # -7: Have Mercy

In high school, there are mercy rules for games like these. Mercy rules to keep games in check. They attempt to maintain any dignity that remains for the losing squad. Coaches take out their star players. Some choose not to go for the extra point. Others lack the sportsmanship or compassion to stop pushing to score. But just like there’s no crying in baseball, there’s no mercy in pro sports, especially the NFL. No one is there to give the archaic Kerry Collins the “you’ll get ‘em next time, slugger” pat on the back. And there are surely no moms running over more heating pads and hot cocoa to the sidelines. There was no sympathy for the Titans in Sunday’s newest Boston massacre installment, a 59-0 loss. A winless team continued to struggle in quite unwelcoming weather conditions.  So the burning question remains, why should the fans and press praise the Pats as if they actually had defeated the Giants in 2008?

Titans coach Jeff Fisher and quarterback Kerry Collins had little to say about the unfamiliar territory they faced in over three decades combined in the NFL

“I haven’t been a part of a game like this in the pros,” Collins said.

Fisher, who has been with the team for 15 years, said, “Career-wise, I have never been through anything like this before. I am very disappointed obviously and embarrassed to say the least.”

Yet, it was Tennessee linebacker Keith Bulluck who gave Sunday’s game an even wider time prospective.

“I have been playing this sport since I was eight,” Bulluck said, “and never in any sport have I experienced anything like this.”

            “Shellacking,” “blowout,” “thrashing,” and “routing” all littered the papers, and Sportscenter analysis, to describe the woeful happenings at Sunday’s pre-winter wonderland. But what continues to get disregarded is the Patriots did what they were expected to; a fact that seems to elude fans’ memories after just one loss. Repeat after me: The Patriots are a solid team. With only two loses, one in overtime, the Pats did not need much to bounce back against Tennessee. Excluding foreign weather conditions, the Gators could have pounced all over the lackluster Titans. So how proud can the Patriots be of defeating a team with more dropped passes than a dive bar and less passing yards than a peewee league scrimmage? Tom Brady had only two more passing yards in this week’s win than in his one-point victory over the Bills in week one. To have 41-year-old Junior Seau refer to the game as “my training camp” does not make for a game to go down in the annals of sports.

Yes, Brady finally looked to be more of the quarterback New England once worshiped. And yes, he showed improvement, finding Wes Welker and Randy Moss downfield as planned, due mostly to a Titan’s secondary with more holes than Augusta. And yes, fantasy footballers got two or three weeks of points faster than the snow fell in Foxboro. But if fans did not think their franchise team could capitalize on six fumbles and NEGATIVE seven passing yards, then maybe they do have a reason to fret. As in other big market cities, criticism is rampant, but quickly quieted with a big win. Fans forgot the cursing, pouting, and questions last week’s game left them with.

            Luckily Patriots coach Bill Belichick used his offense’s nearly five dozen-point lead to play a little in-game Madden, rearranging his roster because he could. While Tom Brady tried to catch snowflakes on his tongue during the fourth quarter, Adalius Thomas did not get to share in such enjoyment on the bench. After openly discussing (openly in Belichick terms that is) Thomas’ role, or lack there of, on the team, Belichick benched him on Sunday opting to put in “players we thought would have a bigger role in the game.” Playing winless teams makes coaching decisions to deem $35 million players inactive less outrageous, and less questioned for all involved. This Sunday’s game will allow for much of the same, although the location for this away game will not be so regular.

            The 4-2 Patriots will play 0-6 Tampa Bay Buccaneers at “home” at Wembley Stadium in London, bringing a new type of football to the other side of the pond. But after the Pats ruthless trampling of the Titans, rookie Buccaneers head coach Raheem Morris has little hope for getting cut any breaks.

“Bill Belichick is not going to take it easy on us,” Morris said. “He just played and 0 and whatever team, and the score was 59-0. Now he’s going to play another one. I’m sure Bill Belichick is licking his chops.”

It seems Pats’ fans will get a chance to take their gloating international this weekend. They’ll be able to keep their criticism dormant for at least another two weeks when they play a team that has actually won a game this season. Until then, all the Pats’ opponents can ask for is mercy. Morris and his Bucs are hoping that word translates into British jargon this Sunday.

In game update...

Kate Hudson, if you're going to be graced with thousand dollar, front row seats the least you can do is wear a Yankees' jersey. Take a tip from Jay-Z, I'm sure a fitted won't ruin your perfect golden locks.

Also, Jorge Posada. Kindly stop playing like Jason Varitek. Jose Molina is not Victor Martinez. 

Rule # 12: Rules that were meant to be broken shouldn't have been created.

Growing up with five older male cousins toughens you up. I learned at a young age I wouldn't get anywhere playing dolls with the girls. On arrival at my nonna's one day I entered the hallway to find that my favorite doll had apparently "hanged herself" from pull-down string for the attic. After that I manned up, because there's no crying in domestic abuse. When I swing a playful punch now, I know to throw the right hook while protecting my face with my left arm because my 30-something cousins, most former army officers, will retaliate if antagonized. I may dish out trash talk dirtier than Paris Hilton's panties, but it's only because I've been seasoned to take it. Sensitivity is a learned feeling, born from overprotectiveness. Two words in the english language least associated with sports. Especially football. So after Sunday's game in Foxboro, my question: is Gisele practicing diaper changes on Tom already?

Since Columbus "discovered" America, we've been missing the boat on correct accreditation (no pun intended). So let's get things straight, Tom Brady's opening game knee injury last season was not penalized as an illegal tackle. This year's stricter roughing the passer penalties, so gratuitously nicknamed "The Brady Rule," is a misnomer worse than referring to Jose Canseco as a loyal teammate. Owners are not worried about their QBs' safety or the sanctity of the game; they're worried about falling cash flows. Regarding the new rule change, Patriots' owner Robert Kraft told the Boston Globe in an article last March what keeping quarterbacks protected meant to him and the league. He said, "I think the whole NFL suffers....It's not good for the league. What makes it special is special players. It's like going to see a great movie and the star isn't in it. It's the same principle."

After last weekend's performance though, Brady may be guilty by association for different reasons. After two extremely questionable roughing the passer penalties were called against the Ravens' defense led to two Patriot scores, outrage can only be expected. Especially after Flacco was hit hard at least six different times and the men in stripes reached in their pockets on just one of the six plays. 

Although the stricter rules have been strongly supported by owners in an attempt to protect their money players, the high profile QBs, it is the NFL's competition committee who actually overlooks rule changes. Owners are more concerned with revenue than sportsmanship. According to a Dan Steinberg article in the Washington Post last September, Brady jersey sales dropped to fourth in the league after his injury, after Favre, Romo, and the Giants' Manning.  Referring to rule changes in years past, the Steelers' Troy Polamalu said, "It has more to do with money and not really with our safety. ...[Football] just loses so much of its essence when it becomes like a pansy game." Co-chaired by the Falcon's president Rich McKay and the Titan's coach, Jeff Fisher, the competition committee has let referees take the brunt of the recent media and fan firestorm on roughing the passer controversy. According to NFL.com's website, the NFL's vice president of officiating explained that legal hits on the QB only range above the knee and below the neck. Anything more results in a 15-yard penalty, and/or personal fines.

In a world where schools are banning teachers from using red ink to grade papers because it "emotionally scars students," football seems steps away from using purple ink in their play books as well. Ray Lewis put it best in a post-game interview describing his opinion on the calls in question (statements against officials that were surprisingly not fined), 

"It's embarrassing to the game....A personal foul and he [Brady] isn't even touched. He's a man. They can be hit, just like us. We stop them and then you look back and see a flag or a personal foul and Tom Brady is laughing. It wasn't no personal foul if he's still smiling."

Although Ray Lewis runs his mouth a fair amount of the time, he is no T.O.; his outbursts are usually merited and prompted by a respect for the game. (It was also a bit more eloquent than teammate Terrell Suggs' burn stating, "Maybe next year it'll be two-hand touch to get a sack.") And with Brady's postgame excuse ridden reaction statements, he isn't gaining much sympathy from third-party players and fans alike.  Referring to the calls, Brady said, "We're unprotected, just sitting there defenseless, so they've got to stay away from me." 

Note to Tom: if you're left unprotected it's not the opposing team's defenses' problem. This is TACKLE football. 

Brady may come through in the clutch and be one of the game's greatest QBs, but it seems he's getting soft with age. Tom might have to take some advice my cousins have (physically) ingrained in me (other than "Laura, you can't play sports, you're a girl"),  "Shut up and play the game." Hopefully the Bronco's undefeated defense will do just that this Sunday.